Tag: blog

Hi Connor!

The day I’m writing this is March 3rd, 2020. You probably don’t remember this, but [REDACTED – TEACHER] has given you an assignment to write to your future self, five years from now. I’m not sure what everyone else is writing about, but I have a pretty good idea as to what to ask you. 

Connor, 

First of all, you need to invest in a calendar app. I’ve had one for a while and it actually changed my life when I started really using it. But since I didn’t have one it took a Google Drive deep dive for me to rediscover this doc, now in the year 2026. So I apologize for being a year late to your response. I hope the mail you receive through the timeline doesn’t catch you off guard. I’m happy to answer your questions. 

Are there flying cars in the future? I’m just kidding, I’m guessing there aren’t. But it wouldn’t be a future question if I didn’t ask that. 

There have been flying cars for a few years now, but that’s hardly an investment people want to pursue. Flying cars mean flying car laws, and I don’t trust that that won’t cause some mass hysteria. So nobody’s made a flying car that is commercially viable. Self-driving cars are the hot thing right now, but you’re not quite ready to get in one yet. 

By the time you’re reading this, you should be wrapping up your first year of teaching band! How did your first show go? My guess is probably not great, but you’re still learning! I hope that the students like you at least. I made regionals this year again on bass clarinet, but I won’t be doing all state since I’m going to be out of town for a vacation. I wish I could say I wasn’t bummed out about that a little bit. I’m super excited for the vacation though! It’s just my last chance to make it. I wish I could do both, but everything’s been all set up and doing it online wouldn’t be fair.

You are going to realize that band was a terrific way to make friends, but when it comes to the art of teaching it, that isn’t a path that you have an interest in pursuing. No spoilers, but something is about to happen that is going to reframe a lot of your perception on this stuff. I am comfortably at a point to say with complete certainty that I still have no idea what I want to do with my life. And I can confidently say as well that what I want to do matters less than what I am called to do. I often fight God on this fact, but he’s the one making the circumstances, I simply walk through them hoping that I come out the other side better for it. And it’s often that I do. 

You’re probably laughing at how silly my problems are. I get it. I can’t stop my feelings about it, but I can focus on the cool things ahead. How did the trip go? You’ve already experienced it by this point. 

You are just as complete of a person as me. Meaning, your problems hold the same weight as mine. In hindsight, you’ll realize that most drama in the world comes from people who don’t understand this fact. The trip was a great one, you’re going to love Florida. 

Do we still talk to [REDACTED]? Or anyone from high school? I hope so. I’ve made a lot of new friends this year alone. Being a drum major and a senior has its perks I guess. Did [REDACTED] do well after you graduated?

You consistently talk to one person from high school, though it’s probably the last person you’re thinking of right now. When you reconnect with him, be sure to hold onto that friendship as long as you can. He may be the most reliable person you know. And by now, you know a lot of different people. 

As for the others, they seem to be doing fine. You catch up with a few every now and again, but it’s nothing like it was before. And I know hearing that will break your heart more than anything else I could tell you. You see these people more often than you do your own family at the point you’re writing me in. I’m sorry I couldn’t hold onto those people tighter. Time has a way of loosening grips. It probably won’t be the last time. 

I know I’m bombarding you with questions, I’m sorry about that. I hope you remember these people, I could be talking complete nonsense. My wish is I’m not. I can’t see a future without these people in it in some capacity, but I’m sure you have a lot of new friends. GCU ended up being our choice, so we’ll see how that ends up. The band program seems great at least. 

Spoilers on that last point. But yes, my current friends are awesome. You see them at least once a week, and often you’ll at least hear from them multiple times a week. I’m mature enough to know that I’m moving at a different pace from them though. I often fear that when they take flight, I’ll still be growing my feathers. That thing that’s about to happen that I told you about earlier? I’m still learning to trust things to be consistent since that happened. 

Life often looks like a natural disaster more than a guided path. You’ll find yourself in a sinkhole a couple of times. Honestly, as I write this, you might be in the deepest hole you’ve ever found yourself in. But luckily you’ve surrounded yourself with people who are experts in climbing ladders, and they’re happy to guide you through the process. 

How’s Mom and Dad? I’m guessing Tyler’s still with them. How is he? Has anything big happened since when I’m writing? Do they still drag you to church, or did you end up going somewhere else?

I’ve come to realize that family’s really the main thing holding me above water most days. I call my parents practically everyday, and see them at least once a week. Tyler’s doing a lot better. He’s the most independent I’ve ever seen him. He’s probably got more of a social life than I do at this point, which you probably don’t believe. 

You eventually find a church you can call home, at least in this stage of your life. You eventually drag your parents to that church as well. I know finding a church you fit in sounds like an impossibility. You had a hard time fitting into your youth groups, and I’m sorry that that happened. You didn’t deserve that. And you still doubt, all the time. Because that is a normal thing to do. But at the end of the day, you figure that Heaven has to exist. It’s much more convenient that way. 

And I guess my biggest question is this: are you happy? Selfishly, I hope you are. I hope everything worked out, even though I know it probably didn’t, at least not how I think it will. But I hope, no matter what, you’re happy on the other side. I’m writing you at 17 years old, when you read this you’ll be well into adulthood. There’s too many sad adults out there. I hope you’re a happy one. 

There are days where it is easier to be happy than other days. That is because happiness, like all emotions, is a sandy thing. There are days where I can pick up sand in my hand and have it stick to me so much I have to wash it off. And there are days when the wind comes through, and with it, the sand is swept away. I find that chasing after any emotion in particular is about as feasible as putting the wind in a jar. 

Though, it doesn’t stop me from trying. And what I’ve found is that I am at my happiest when I pursue people, places, and things that actively bring me joy. So I make a space in my heart, so that no matter what wind comes through, I still find time to pursue those things. And because of that joy, I find myself with more happy days than sad ones. 

Adulthood doesn’t really make you realize anything new. It just reframes things you already know. Most days I have a hard time believing I am an adult, though I have been one for six years now. I suppose I will be convincing myself and others that I am an adult until I die, a long way from now. 

Thank you dearly for writing to me, Connor. You’ve made this day a happy one. I hope to see you soon. 

Much Love,

Connor Geroux